Compatibility
by Freshy
Summary: Maria accepted the fact that she would remain single for the rest of her life. Besides, it wasn't like she was about to come across the perfect man just for her anytime soon. That is...until she takes a fickle compatibility test that puts her with one of the most socially impaired doctors at Resurgam. This can only end so well... *Contains swearing and other adult themes*


**I've been very anonymous in the TC/TT fandom for years now. So I've decided to make some sort of contribution towards it. Honestly disappointed in lack of CR-S01/Maria fanfics, so I decided to add my own. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Even in a million years, Maria would never be able to believe that all of this happened because of one simple question:

Who was her Mr. Right?

Let's start at the beginning, shall we? Maria was given time off by the chief so that she could attend a high school reunion that was being held down in Orlando, Florida. It honestly didn't make any sense to her why they would have it so far away, but she wasn't in charge of the set up so it wasn't like she had a say in where it should be held. Truthfully, Maria didn't really care for her classmates- hell, she'd already forgotten over half the people she spent four years of high school with- but something about this event made her want to go. Maybe she wanted to see what everyone has been up to since they graduated, maybe she wanted to make herself feel better after seeing the once popular kids, the ones she couldn't stand, with no jobs or education. Or maybe she wanted to show off to her classmates how successful she had been as a paramedic, saving people and most importantly, saving the United States from the deadliest epidemic in history, the Rosalia Virus. Actually…no wait. It was mainly because the people who sent in an R.S.V.P were entitled to free airfare and hotel stay. Flying to a nice hotel for free? Hell yes. Besides, it had been a while since she last went to the beach. The ones in Maine weren't all that impressive to her.

After arriving at the hotel and settling herself into her room, Maria didn't feel like attending the reunion anymore. The flight took a lot out of her and with having her room directly on to the beach, she just wanted to relax and not have to deal with people for the rest of the evening, especially the hormonal teenagers that were her classmates back in the day. Yeah, that decision seemed nice. She'd make up an excuse to ditch the reunion, knock back a few beers, maybe lie outside on the patio for a bit, and sleep till noon tomorrow. At least, that was what she was planning to do…

…Until a knock came at her door. Swearing to herself about the lack of courtesy from maintenance since she clearly put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign, Maria trudged over to the door and peeked through the eye hole. All she could see was the busty, curvy form of a woman's body. Curious, she unlatched the dead bolt and opened the door, only to be immediately glomped by said person.

"Ah, Maria, it's so great to see you again!"

Maria found herself short of breath and unable to fight back against this woman's strength. Not to mention, it was rather hard to speak when the woman was practically burying her face in her cleavage.

"Ungh, who the…hell are you?!" She wheezed, though her words were rather muffled.

Finally, Maria was let go, able to breathe again. The woman crossed her arms, her lips stuck out in a playful pout.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't know me, Torres." She said. "You remember me, right? Honey Lorell?"

Honey Lorell…

Maria stared harder at the young-ish woman, observing her features in an attempt to trigger some flashbacks. Face caked with make-up, fake pink hair done up that seemed to defy gravity, lips, thighs, and butt obviously enlarged from plastic surgery, eight inch stilettos…

"Wait… _that_ Honey Lorell?!"

It was all coming back to her now. Honey Lorell, or Princess Honey as everyone would call her, had been Maria's partner in crime since the start of junior high and a little time before that. It all started when she had to wear a push up bra when she was nine. Then she got her belly button pierced when she was twelve, got a tramp stamp on her lower back when she was fifteen, and started to wear clothes designed for girls who just started grade school so it would fit her body tightly. She ended up becoming the biggest swinger in the class of 2010. She was the kind of girl whose goal was to seduce every guy until they were begging at her heels (figuratively and literally), and was always trying to start drama for her own enjoyment. Maria herself couldn't stand her, but for some reason or another the two partnered up and became the most feared females in the entire grade. Even now though, Maria for the life of her couldn't remember how or why they still remained friends. Judging by how she looked now, she could assume that Honey hadn't changed in the slightest, and she couldn't determine whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Holy crap, Torres!" Honey exclaimed, excited that her friend finally remembered her. "You look sexy as hell. And here I thought you'd still be that same girl who wore hockey jerseys and oversized sweatpants."

"Sh-Shut up!" Maria shot back, face turning red from embarrassment and irritation. "I'm a paramedic now, so I need something easy and not baggy to run in!"

"Wow, and here I thought you'd be following in my footsteps and putting yourself out there for the men."

"I…I'm doing nothing of the sort! Why would you even think that?!"

"Now, now, Maria." Honey mocking patted her head, further pissing off the doctor even more. "There's no need to shout. You can just tell me you're a lesbian, and I won't judge. We're all adults here."

Maria's jaw dropped. "What are you even talking about?! I'm not a lesbian!"

Honey just laughed, and Maria briefly wondered if she could punch her square in the nose hard enough, if it would undo the plastic surgery she went through. Honey seemed to be anticipating that and put her hands up defensively. "Kidding, Maria. Man, it's been years since I was able to get a rise out of you like that. I really miss it."

"Whatever." Maria rolled her eyes as she tried to calm herself down. "So what are you doing here anyway? And how did you know this is my room?"

"For the high school reunion, duh. Of course, I was never planning on going to it and then I saw you going to your room. So I figured you weren't that interested either so I followed you over to ask if you wanted to go out and catch up on lost time. I found this awesome bar that sells margaritas the size of fish bowls! You down?"

Maria knew this was a bad idea, but as long as she was drinking then everything would be fine. She grinned at her. "Only if you're paying."

* * *

"That bartender laughed at me. What a meanie." Honey whined childishly. Her face was tainted pink from intoxication.

"Well, you kept trying to get in his pants, but then you fell off the counter and spilled someone's beer all over yourself." Maria pointed out. "Then you demanded a margarita when you haven't even finished your first one, and not only that, you can't even pronounce 'margarita' correctly. Please, do me a favor and stop butchering my mother tongue."

Honey stuck her tongue out. "You're so mean too, Maria. I think you and the bartender should hook up and have little meanie babies."

Rather than bother to try and find some smartass retort to that comment, Maria took a long, dragging sip from her drink instead. She was grateful that she downed a bunch of energy drinks that day and that she could hold her alcohol better than her friend. Honey was horrible at consuming anything with alcohol, and would almost immediately turn into an annoying drunk after only a couple drinks. Another thing about her friend that hadn't changed.

"Speaking of 'hooking up,'" Honey slurred after taking another swig from her drink, then started to chuckle obnoxiously. "Check out the bling on my left finger…"

Maria nearly choked on her straw. "You got married?!"

"Si, senorita!" Honey proudly showed off the wedding brand with a giant diamond set in the middle. "You like it? Nine karats right there."

"I don't understand…you slept around with whatever guy you could find. In fact, you practically dedicated yourself to the life of a swinger. What made you decide to get married?"

"Well, do you know my friend with benefits?"

Maria stared at her blankly. "Which _one_?"

"Aw c'mon, Maria. I never had that many. I'm not that much of a whore."

Maria shook her head. _The guys in high school would beg to differ. I still remember them saying, "Honey is just a hoe with an 'n' and a 'y' added in."_

Honey continued on. "His name is Justin. I met him at a singles' party and we immediately hit it off. Turns out, he's as big as a swinger as me!"

"I can definitely see the connection there." Maria remarked sarcastically.

"Anyways, one night we just got finished doing…you know, _that_ , and well, after he leaves I usually read the latest Cosmopolitan magazine. So after he left, I read that week's issue and saw this interesting article that asked "Are You Compatible." And in it was a quiz that you take to see what your compatibility score was. Well, I ended up scoring pretty high on it so I made Justin take it the next time he came over and he made the same score too! So yeah, that's how it happened. It was so useful!"

"Is that so?" Maria groaned. A headache was beginning to come on and she wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or from the complete ditz of her friend sitting next to her.

"Uh-huh!" Honey stupidly grinned at her. "In fact, it was so useful that I bought ten more copies of that magazine and started handing them out to my single friends! By the way, Maria, have you found your Mr. Right yet?"

"My what?!"

"You know. The perfect man. The one who completes you, satisfies you, understands you, is practically the same person as you. The one you're most compatible with. That one!"

Maria resisted the urge to let a swear word come out. "I'm not…looking for someone like that right now."

Honey looked at her as if the world had just been obliterated into destruction right behind her. "Wh-What?! Why not?!"

"Because! I mean…why do I need someone like that anyways?!" Maria was shouting now, but she didn't care. Her friend just unknowingly hit a sensitive topic for her. "I'm independent enough as it is. I've got a great career and income already. I don't need some…guy coming in and ruining it and telling me how I should live my life, or sacrifice what I like doing just to make a relationship work. Besides, every guy I ever met and worked with has been a complete moron, so…no! There's no one like that in my life, and I'll be happy if someone like that _never_ shows up. If that means my future consists of living alone in a dank apartment with seven or eight cats, then wonderful! I don't give a damn. Fuck all that relationship bullshit!"

After finishing up her long and very colorful rant, Maria panted heavily as if she had just run a long marathon. Honey just continued to stare at her, but she just ignored it and finished the last of her drink. Suddenly, her friend started smirking cunningly in her direction. Maria glared at her in return.

"The hell you looking at?"

"Oh, nothing." Honey said in an irritatingly sweet voice. "I had a feeling you would say that, so…" She reached down and started digging into her purse until she pulled out what looked like a folded up piece of paper. "I made a copy of that last Cosmopolitan article and thought I'd give it to you!" She practically forced the paper into Maria's hand, who was pulling away from it like it was covered in disease.

"But I just said…!"

"Maria, you're so stubborn. If…or should I say _when_ that special someone walks into your life, then you'll know and you'll be ready."

Before Maria could say anything else, Honey suddenly stood up from her seat. "Ah! Look at the time. I better get back to the hotel. Brendan just got off of work and is meeting me there. It's so convenient that he lives in the area."

"Brendan, the…drum major from our school? But I thought you were married to Justin…"

"I am, but Brendan occasionally comes by for…favors, so to speak. But seriously, Maria, give that a read! It's got some great stuff in there. Alright, toodles!"

Honey quickly and somewhat drunkenly rushed out of the bar, with Maria watching her as she left. Without thinking too much of it, Maria crumpled the paper and stuffed it inside her jacket pocket. And that was when she realized that Honey had "forgotten" to pay the tab for their drinks. That little skank…


End file.
